Acceptance
by jazzmonkey
Summary: They were all each other had. Even though they worked with other people, their group of four was a close knit one. they had to trust each other with their lives, put it all on the line for the other three. That meant accepting them, scars, deformities, tattoos, memories and all. Regardless of the smoke and mirrors that were built to stop it.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own D. Gray-Man. I really wish I did...Then I would know how the story would end.**

Chapter 1

When he first MET the Japanese man, he was thoroughly disgruntled. The idiot had no right to judge him like that. Maybe he was cursed, but that gave him no reason to hate him.

The first mission had only been full of reprimands and curt warnings of not 'getting in the way'. The second wasn't any better. After that, Allen just chose to become numb to the irritable samurai.

Yet, when he happened to gaze outside to see the man train, he was mystified. What about him was just so annoying, yet so interesting? He just assumed it was because he was accomplishing something Allen could have never done in a million years, running around blindfolding and NOT knocking into every tree in the vicinity.

Every time he tried to be cheerful around Kanda to try and at least somewhat lighten his mood, it only ended with both of their moods being considerably lower. It was slightly painful to know that a man he had to trust with his life wouldn't even trust him to sit next to each other.

Lenalee had accepted him easily, laughing alongside him and always helping him. Still, the girl was constantly trying to excuse Kanda's behavior with something so irrelevant. The exorcist truly did seem to be the slightest more approachable around her than anywhere else.

Lavi was a Bookman. He wasn't allowed to have feelings, but Allen loved to be around the goofy redhead. He was stupid, but he was also very wise, and always giving him new information to help him out.

As time passed, he forged new friendships that only strengthened. Still, he waited for the inevitable day that Kanda would accept him. Kanda was obviously friends with Lenalee, and to that extent, Komui. Lavi irritated him, but there was an odd camaraderie in his words.

Was he the only one that Kanda didn't even bother with?

After being attacked by the Level Four Akuma in the orphanage, he'd seen the slightly softer side of Kanda when the man had gone and rashly attacked the beast. Despite the harsh situation, he couldn't help but smile when he retorted to his teammate's shriek of 'Moyashi'.

If he had to choose the way to find out about Kanda's past, and why the sword-wielding exorcist was so withdrawn, it wouldn't have been by delving into the man's memories. That was not a place Allen would so easily forget.

In that particular flash,he knew what it was like to be Kanda Yu. And he hated it.

None of them had happy lives, not by a long shot. But, Kanda's was just so _bitter_. He had been essentially born, and the day after, subjected to tests. He had never known anything but the Black Order his entire life.

He suddenly understood why Kanda had acted so differently when Alma Karma was mentioned. The entire time the Third Exorcist team had been at base, the man had been even more shut off than usual, and he had even bailed on a mission to go visit the China Branch.

The Millennium Earl had been woefully right. The proud man that fought so hard for the church, proved himself on regular basis as a great warrior, and tried so much to free himself of the shackles of the past, turned so utterly _brittle_ before Alma. Allen couldn't even begin to comprehend the pain Kanda went through every living instant, knowing that while his friends were truly compatible, he had been tested time and again to make it work.

And the flowers that Allen had glimpsed within Kanda's mind. Did he actually always see those? How was he not going insane with the constant reminder of his memories?

When Kanda finally took Alma and left, Allen wanted nothing more than the best for his friend.

Yes, his friend. The cursed boy wasn't sure when he had stopped being old Kanda and began being a friend, but it was nice to know. When Kanda smiled at him, and thanked him for being there the entire time, he knew.

He knew that the man did truly think of him a fellow member of the team. He understood that all this time, the samurai actually had trusted him. Kanda accepted him. And that was worth the fact that he had been accused of blasphemy.

Weeks later, when Kanda found him, donning the Black Order's uniform, he panicked. What had happened to Alma? He knew that he himself was fading. He had to fight, but he was just so tired, he just wanted to rest. To not have to keep running, despite his promise to Mana.

Kanda had only gripped the front of his shirt, firmly telling him that he was indeed a free man. Kanda no longer needed the shackles to hold back his thoughts about Alma and the project. He had even thanked Allen.

He cried, for Alma, for himself, for everyone. He let himself finally cry in the midst of the man that used to be his rival. Now, he could accept nothing less than calling the soba eating freak his best friend.

Cliché, how life worked out.

Before him stood a friend that had come back for him. Lenalee had probably only encouraged him to do what she herself couldn't. And Lavi…God, he hoped the man was alive.

He still called him Moyashi and yelled at him irritably. But still, in the single moment that their eyes connected, Allen could see all the hidden emotion that raged within the pristine pools.

Still, through the acceptance, he could find the hint of pain that lingered in the jaded orbs. Something was still wrong. When Allen had been slightly lucid during Kanda's destruction of the Akuma, he spotted it. The crosses on his arms, with veins beginning to edge outward, a sign that Kanda's health wasn't as good as he pretended it was. And the tattoo…it curved over the samurai's shoulder, a blur of blue that appeared like it was a strap.

The younger looked at his fellow warrior, now unsettled. How long did Kanda truly have? And why was he spending it by trying to save Allen, of all people?

With a start, Allen wondered if...

_Was Kanda truly free of his burdens like he so adamantly said he was?_

…if Kanda still saw the lotuses.

**Jazz here :) So, that was my first piece in this category. I've been working on a really long piece, and I doubt i'll get it up any time soon, but you'll see me a couple more times! See you later.**

**If you guys liked this, let me know. I have a second piece with Lenalee and Lavi.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own D. Gray-Man. I kinda wish I did.**

Chapter 2

Lenalee was worried. It wasn't clear on her face, but anyone that was even remotely close to her knew what was written blatantly on her heart. Then again, that was exactly why she hadn't been branded a traitor by Central for caring about a 'Noah'.

The Chinese girl let out a silent sigh, thinking again about how this entire thing had gone to the birds. Her entire team-well, that's what she called the four of them silently, and she knew many others referred to them as such-was missing.

Kanda had gone after Allen, so she was sure that he would be fine. Scuffed up by the irritated swordsman no doubt, but he would be fine. But, right now, her thoughts weren't focused on the snow-colored haired boy who had left in the Ark, or the man who reentered her life only to leave again days after. No, not even close. Her entire mind settled on one person as she roamed the halls.

Lavi. Bookman Junior. Somehow, he had wormed his way into her heart with his jokes and lighthearted manner, even when she knew that it was a fake. There was just something about it all that seemed so…real.

When he laughed, it sounded real. When he smiled at her, or teased Kanda and Allen, it sounded real. It was never a lie to her. Even Allen mentioned once that Lavi didn't seem fake to him. Maybe to the Bookman Junior himself, but to all of them, he was real.

The first time Lenalee spotted the man, it was through bitters tears, and she could only make out the shape of spiked red hair. The next time she properly saw him, he'd attempted to hit on her, only to be shut up by his mentor.

After that, everything changed. She found another person that could be her friend. Kanda was more like a brother than anything else, but he was always so quiet and cold. True, it was endearing in its own way, but Lavi's childish personality was a welcome reprieve.

After another two years, she'd truly gotten to know him and his mask. Every time they would laugh, there would be a split second where Lavi would look at her in regret, like he wasn't supposed to enjoy the time he spent with her. With any of them actually.

She reminisced about the redhead as she walked into the cafeteria. It wasn't empty, but it wasn't full either. Chaoji, Miranda, and Krory were all at the table, and they waved her over.

She politely sat down and began to pretend to listen and she dug in. In truth, she pushed inward to her memories once more.

The first time she truly heard his utter pain was when he yelled at her for moping. He punched a hole in the window, and it had frightened her. Still, she could see that he was upset. He was upset because she was.

That was the single time Lenalee saw that he did like them all. Loved them actually.

When she heard his voice calling to her, it was a distant sound, like he was screaming for her, but she couldn't respond. When she finally thawed out in a sense, he pulled her up gently and teasingly smiled at her. That had warmed her up more than fire and warm clothes ever could.

After that, she wanted to see more of that Lavi. She wanted to know more about who he was, and why he was so scared of letting them in. Sure, it was his job to stay distanced, but how was he able to do that so easily?

She found her answer when Road said that she had broken his mind. That blank look in his emerald eye was frightening to the core. He attacked Allen repeatedly, and the idiot had done nothing but take it. It was as if Lavi truly just…disappeared.

If that was Bookman Junior, the girl desperately wished that side would never have to see the light of day again. It was after that she understood that Lavi did care, he just wasn't allowed to show it. He was still human, and yet had to act as if he wasn't.

Lenalee sipped lightly at the water in the cup. Standing back up, she excused herself. Walking to Kanda's training room, she settled herself there, hoping to find peace. She knew enough from Kanda that one had to empty their mind of everything to successfully find a silent sanctuary, but she couldn't bring herself to. She was on roll, and if she stopped, she was afraid it would mean letting the memories of the redhead go.

Right now, as she sat there alone, all she could ponder was why it had to turn out this way. After Alma's return, her entire world had tipped upside down. Whose fault was it really? Even if it was the Earl that had taken Lavi and probed Kanda to bring his friend back to life, it had been the stupid Central Supervisor that kept Alma's body.

She was now alone. All three of them were gone. She didn't even know where Lavi was. After all the time that had passed, both Lavi and the Bookman were presumed dead, even though they all knew both would be kept alive for information.

It was painful, knowing that two-three, if you counted Johnny-were on the run, and another was in the hands of the Noah.

She couldn't be sure when Lavi had finally figured out that he could be himself here. He didn't have to be fake, or put on a mask for them. They all had sad lives, he didn't have to hide his past from them. It felt so wrong for her to want him to just be himself, but at the same time…it was so _right_.

Lenalee really wanted them back. But, most of all, she wanted Lavi here. It was him that had helped her realize, whether her knew it or not, that hiding herself was never the answer. She wanted the redhead to march in and ask about Allen and Kanda, and then laugh at Allen's statement, or snort about Kanda's going after the Moyashi.

She needed all of them.

The Chinese girl loved Lavi. If it was as a friend, a brother, or something more, she wasn't sure of it. But, she didn't care. As long as he came back to them, she would be okay with it.

The Bookman Junior side was fading from him, and she felt like they had all been making progress. This entire stupid thing would only set them back. But, most of all, she needed to tell him.

Lenalee needed Lavi to know that he was _accepted_ here.

She opened her eyes slowly, knowing it was stupid to think that focusing on his voice would be the answer to bring him back. It didn't stop her from trying. A part of her kept at it, even as the rest of her drifted.

She knew Lavi was alive. Whether he was alright or not was a different question. She only wondered, as she stood up, if he knew.

She wondered if Lavi felt the same way about them.

**Jazz again! So, how did I do? Better? Worse? Same? Worth a response at all? Well, don't be shy!**


End file.
